In my ministry, I want men to experience the healing and freedom when you get real with yourself, with God, and with other men. That’s how we discover not only Whose we are, but the manhood we’re created for and the power to walk it out.

- Gordon Dalbey

Do Pirates Wear Pajamas?
and Other Mysteries in the Adventure of Fathering
A Father's Day book for dads
"Daddy, it's not an adventure unless it's a little scary!"

          Many years ago, in a land far, too far away, my three-year-old son sat excitedly on my lap before bedtime while together we read a picture book based on Treasure Island. As Long John Silver, cutlass in hand, chased young Jim across the page and through the jungle, the boy within my arms suddenly knit his brow and looked up at me.

          “Daddy,” he burst out, “do pirates wear pajamas?”
          Startled, I drew back. “Uh, well, that’s…uh, a really great question!” I managed.

          When I was much younger and unmarried, my father once told me, “If you never have children, you’ll miss out on one of life’s greatest adventures.”

          He was right. (more)

"Naked but not Ashamed: The Roots of Desire"
You are about to enter the spirit realm. Powers you will engage after this point are beyond your ability to control.

There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact.
( 1 Corinth. 6:16,17TMB)

The powerful mystery of sexual desire marks it as a spiritual phenomenon. Yet talk of sexuality has largely been banned from churches, leaving a vacuum which the world is literally hell-bent to fill.

"Sex is dirty and immoral," as most of us were basically confused to hear growing up, "so save it for marriage and the one you love most!" But if God created sex as a reflection of His very image in male and female together (Gen. 1:27), it must be good.

It's not that we lack the discipline to repress our sexual desire, but rather, the faith to embrace it as God intends.

And so Western religion has reduced sexuality to manageable morality, divorcing it from spirituality and enforcing compliance with shame. Ultimately, however, we acknowledge the spiritual essence of sexuality by worshipping—that is, attributing vitality and saving power to--the celebrity hunk or sex goddess who can conjure the most powerful spirit of lust.

Includes "Was It Good for You (Too)? Sexual Bonding and a Woman’s Heart" by Mary Andrews-Dalbey, PhD

Here’s a reality-based view of sex, free from either judgmental religion or care-less tolerance. It’s not about "what you can do to improve your sex life," but rather, what God is doing to accomplish His purposes in men and women today, and how He provides what you need to join Him.


  • There’s no such thing as a sexual need. Nobody ever died from lack of sex.
  • Sexual desire is a holy nostalgia, calling us back to Eden.
  • The human body is the temple of the Spirit; the woman’s womb is the Holy of Holies.
  • Sexual morality is about what we don’t do; sexual fulfillment is about what God does.
  • Insofar as the woman bears grace, religion bears a woman-hating spirit.
  • Couples argue to determine Who’s right? The real question is, What’s God trying to teach us?
  • Femininity blossoms amid security; masculinity arises amid insecurity.


  • Introduction: Embracing the Mystery
  1. Sexual Rabbit Trails: The Season of Return
  2. Holy Nostalgia: Sexual Desire as Homesickness
  3. Desire and Destiny: Suitable Companions
  4. Naked but not Ashamed: Learning to Trust
  5. Anatomy of a Blush: The Genesis of Modesty
  6. The Modest Male: Men and Boundaries
  7. Miniskirts and Sunday Morning: Balancing Grace and Truth
  8. Cover up your Daughter—For My Son’s Sake!
  9. No Yellow Elephants: Controlling Uncontrollable Desire
  10. What God Has Joined Together: Spiritual Consequences of Sexual Union
  11. Was It Good for You (Too)? Sexual Bonding and a Woman’s Heart (Mary Dalbey)
  12. Tasteful Gifts Only: Bachelor Party Redeemed
  13. Pedophilia: The Lust for Innocence
  14. Homosexuality and History: A Perfect Storm
  15. "Search My Wife’s Heart, O God": Never Waste a Good Fight
  16. Sexuality and Religion: A Marriage Made in Hell
  17. Sexuality and Spirituality: A Marriage Made in Heaven

Recent Teaching Appearances

  • Who's Your Daddy? Letting Father God Love You - Download mp3

  • From Morality to Reality - Teaching Young Men about Sex Part I - Download mp3

  • From Morality to Reality - Teaching Young Men about Sex Part II - Download mp3

Conferences & Retreats

Not long ago,

I polled a conference of 150 men with this question, "When you were growing up, did your father talk to you helpfully about girls and sexuality?" Only 2 men raised their hands.

At another conference of 350 fathers, I asked, "When you became a dad for the first time, did your own father come alongside you with some help, encouragement, support, or advice - maybe call you up, come visit you, or write you a letter?" Only five hands.

If you’re wondering why men’s sexuality is out of control and why men feel inadequate as fathers, here’s where we start. Not to judge or curse your father, but to face your wound as every generation must, including your son’s. Then, to go to Jesus for healing and see Dad as God sees him, to forgive and honor him. Then, at last, to go to Father God to get what no human father can give, and become the man you’re called to be.

See Gordon’s "Sons of the Father" weekend men’s conference/retreat


John Eldredge

“A number of years ago, at a point in my own journey when I felt more lost than ever, I heard a talk given by Gordon Dalbey, who had just written Healing the Masculine Soul. He raised the idea that despite a man’s past and the failures of his own father to initiate him, God could take him on that journey to provide what was missing. A hope arose within me.” (John Eldredge, Wild at Heart, p. 102.)

Bill Gaither

“We have had Gordon at our annual Praise Gathering in Indianapolis several times, and he is always on target. He’s very sound intellectually and doctrinally. I would recommend him highly.” (Bill Gaither, songwriter/singer/producer)

Rev. Alan Wright

"In a word, the weekend has changed our congregation. I don't think those men, their families, or our church will ever be the same. Your leadership was sensitive to the Spirit, humble but persuasive, dynamic but Christ-Centered." (Rev. Alan Wright, author, pastor Reynolda Presbyterian Church, Winston-Salem, NC)

Brian Doerksen

"Gordon Dalbey's teaching on manhood has touched me deeper than any other. Listening to Gordon teaching at a men's retreat was like constant 'explosions of revelation'--'I'm not alone in that struggle!'...'There's really hope for change!'...'so that's why God designed things that way!' " (Brian Doerksen, Canadian songwriter/producer)